The Bachelor: Episode 1
by Kia Walker
Episode one: Meet the Ladies
The Honeybadger aka Nick Cummins is the flamin’ bachelor this year and heck he is excited about those 25 good sorts coming to meet him tonight.
First out of the limo we have:
- Shannon who is so nervy she is ‘shitting her pants.’ Classy one we got here.
- Brooke brings a pair of balls with her, tells HB she is heaps into rugby and then asks what he does for a living. Umm rugby, Brooke how did you miss that? But Brooke is great.
- Brittany tries to crack a few gags about them being from the same town.
- Cayla the energy healer tells the HB how she is flipping out because her psychic prediction is correct! Then talks about some stones for a while.
- Cat is a bit funky being from Bali but lordy she loves herself.
- Tenielle gets rushed through but not before she smashes a plate with the HB. Along with Renee, Kayla, Sarah and Sophie.
- Now that montage is done we have Cass who has met the HB before. They have dated! Someone get a straw for my juicebox because this is going to get juicy! HB says they know each other pretty well with a coupla dates then they just giggle together for a while.
- The rest don’t even get a look in on the red carpet. Except Dasha from Russia who is a bit spicy and gets the HB to hold her legs around his neck while she does vertical sit ups. Wow.
- And Vanessa Sunshine who is extremely underwhelmed with the HB and cannot stand his moustache.
Cocktail party time:
- Vanessa sunshine says her name about 50 times and everyone hates her. Then Cass has a competition with everyone about who knows the HB more.
- Osher arrives and everyone is so excited they chant his name. And for good reason as he announces a WORLDWIDE bachelor first! The HB will give the key to his Bachelor Pad to someone tonight! Very exciting stuff.
- Then we find there is beef between Cat and Sophie because Sophie is now dating Cat’s ex-boyfriend. So of course, Cat goes in for the kill to confront Sophie. But Sophie dismisses it because it was so long ago. Boring. Except woahh Cat calls Sophie a basic bitch. I mean not to her face or anything.
- Brooke and HB have a lovely chat and I want her to win even more now. I think she will be a front runner for sure.
- Cass on the other hand is fanging all night for a chat with him and when she finally gets one just fangirls so hard that HB gets a bit scared and basically runs away.
- Kayla then jumps into the pool to get the HB attention. Except he didn’t even notice.
- The key gets awarded to Brooke because they had such a ‘good yarn’. Yay love her. They would be so cute together. Cass is fine though guys so don’t worry.
- We have three people leaving tonight. Ok woah how fast are we going this season?! Hope crazy Cass goes.
- But no he keeps the crazy and instead it’s Autumn, Susie and Urszula. Bummer I liked her name.